Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our L

Description: Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives by Mira Kirshenbaum Can it really be true that everything happens for a reason? As amazing as it sounds, it is. There is significance in every event of our lives, from the most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. In "Everything Happens for a Reason, psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum encourages us to discover the meaning in what has happened to us, seeing these experiences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities. Building on more than twenty-five years of clinical research, Kirshenbaum helps us decode the confusing or unfortunate moments in our lives and find solace and strength. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Publisher Description Can it really be true that everything happens for a reason? As amazing as it sounds, it is. There is significance in every event of our lives, from the most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. In "Everything Happens for a Reason," psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum encourages us to discover the meaning in what has happened to us, seeing these experiences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities. Building on more than twenty-five years of clinical research, Kirshenbaum helps us decode the confusing or unfortunate moments in our lives and find solace and strength. Flap Can it really be true that everything happens for a reason? As amazing as it sounds, it is. There is significance in every event of our lives, from the most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. In "Everything Happens for a Reason, psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum encourages us to discover the meaning in what has happened to us, seeing these experiences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities. Building on more than twenty-five years of clinical research, Kirshenbaum helps us decode the confusing or unfortunate moments in our lives and find solace and strength. Author Biography Mira Kirshenbaum is clinical director of the Chestnut Hill Institute, a center for therapy and research in Boston, and has been treating patients in individual and couples therapy for more than thirty years. She is the author of ten other books, including Our Love is Too Good, To Feel So Bad, Everything Happens for a Reason, and When Good People Have Affairs. Review "Mira Kirshenbaum is a wise and seasoned guide, her book a welcome map of the difficult terrain of life." --Dr. Dorothy Firman, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter Soul "In a loving universe everything does happen for a reason, and in Mira Kirshenbaums book we are persuaded that the universe always has our best interests at heart--even in our darkest moments."--Gavin de Becker, bestselling author of The Gift of Fear "Brilliant, beautiful, and bound to make a profound difference in all of our lives." --Debra Waterhouse, M.P.H., R.D., bestselling author of Outsmarting Female Fatigue "One of lifes wonderful surprises. Insightful, wise, and warm." --Mary J. Shomon, bestselling author of Living Well with Hypothyroidism Long Description Can it really be true that everything happens for a reason? As amazing as it sounds, it is. There is significance in every event of our lives, from the most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. In "Everything Happens for a Reason," psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum encourages us to discover the meaning in what has happened to us, seeing these experiences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities. Building on more than twenty-five years of clinical research, Kirshenbaum helps us decode the confusing or unfortunate moments in our lives and find solace and strength. Review Quote "Mira Kirshenbaum is a wise and seasoned guide, her book a welcome map of the difficult terrain of life." -Dr. Dorothy Firman, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter Soul "In a loving universe everything does happen for a reason, and in Mira Kirshenbaums book we are persuaded that the universe always has our best interests at heart-even in our darkest moments."-Gavin de Becker, bestselling author of The Gift of Fear "Brilliant, beautiful, and bound to make a profound difference in all of our lives." -Debra Waterhouse, M.P.H., R.D.,bestselling author of Outsmarting Female Fatigue "One of lifes wonderful surprises. Insightful, wise, and warm." -Mary J. Shomon, bestselling author of Living Well with Hypothyroidism Excerpt from Book Is it really true that everything happens for a reason? After all, thats an amazing thing to say--that no matter what happens to you, not only does something valuable come out of it but its just what you need. Amazing as it sounds, it is true. Its taken me a long time, but I now see that even in the worst disaster--and Ive had my share--there are wonderful gifts, hidden opportunities, or life-enhancing lessons. And we couldnt have gotten them any other way. If someone as hardheaded as I am can come to understand this, anyone can. Of course, sometimes its easy for us to believe that everything happens for a reason. We see it in little ways, like when our plans for an evening out fall through at the last minute, and we discover that everything we really want is at home that night anyway. And sometimes we see it in not-so-little ways. A woman I know wrenched her back and had to spend a month in bed. She felt this was the last thing she needed in her life, particularly since it happened at a time when she had to make some important decisions. And then it hit her--this was exactly what she needed. Her old habit had been to rush impetuously into a new decision without thinking it through. Now it was as if life were saying, "If you wont give yourself time to think, I will." We very much want to believe that the things that happen to us have great meaning. Its the way we feel life should be. Yes, some days we feel our lifes a soap opera. But we want--we need--to have the sense that theres a purpose and value to it all. And were right. I want to reassure you: When you discover the true meaning of the events in your life, everything changes. You feel stronger because your sense that everything has meaning gives you great confidence. You feel wiser because you see how everything connects. Youre more in touch with who you are because you know that youre living the life you were meant to lead. And youre happier because youre able to put your loss behind you and have a sense of a future filled with good things. Until you get to this place, nothing is going to feel right. Lets say youre outdoors and you suddenly feel a drop of moisture fall on your head. Youre not going to be able to think of anything else until you figure out why that happened. Is water dripping from some air conditioner up high? Is it starting to rain? Is a flying monkey peeing on your head? You have to know why that drop of moisture fell on your head because you cant feel safe going forward until you do. We need to know why much more when what fell on our heads is a catastrophe. If you cant make sense of the catastrophe, its as if your life is mere dice on a crap table--if nothing has any meaning, everythings random, anything can happen. Its painful to live not knowing why you got so sick that time or why you lost the love of your life--much more painful than people suspect. One woman I know was flying home for Thanksgiving when she was in college. As the plane was flying along twenty thousand feet in the air, she developed a terrible earache. But thats not what made her cry. In the dark of a nighttime flight she was sobbing because there was pain like this in the world, seemingly without any rhyme or reason. One guy described this feeling differently: "When I think about the bad stuff thats happened in my life, I feel Im just a goddamn fool of the cosmos. Its humiliating! On a sidewalk crowded with people, Im the one whos stepped in the dog poop. No one else is as stupid or unlucky as I am. The problem is: How can I go forward, how can I trust the future if I feel I am this stupid unlucky guy?" Knowing that theres a reason for what happens also saves us from being filled with blame. Blame is a very human attempt to make sense of some catastrophe, but most of the time we hate the way it feels. And yet when something bad happens to us, its almost a reflex to think, Its because everyone hates me, because Im a loser, because Im doomed. And so the blame begins. We blame other people, and then we end up with the sense that the world is full of bad people. We blame ourselves, and then instead of feeling healthy, strong, and whole we see ourselves as sick, weak, and broken. And we blame life itself. What could be more demoralizing than feeling condemned to having bad things always happen to us and not being able to do anything about it? Blame is like a boomerang that loops around and bonks us on the noggin. Try this yourself: If you see someone struggling with sadness, anxiety, and negativity, listen to his story. Youll soon see hes living in a world where all he sees are things to blame because he lives without positive meanings for whats happened to him. The only cure is to restore the sense that there is a good reason for everything that happens. Explain That, Why Dont You? Years ago, if youd said to me, "Everything happens for a reason," Id have said that was a lot of bull. Things happened in my life that were so painful its no wonder Id had trouble finding their meaning, and I gave up looking. I now know that was a big mistake. Lots of things happen to us that challenge our sense that everything happens for a reason. It can be anything. You get seriously ill at the worst possible moment. You think youve found the love of your life but something goes haywire between you and now the two of you are over. Youve had one of those really painful childhoods. You screw up and lose a lot of money. Someone you love dies. Yeah, we think, maybe theres a meaning for some things that happen, but not for this. And even if we still have a shred of faith left that there is meaning in these events, we dont know how to find it. After all, the events in our lives dont come to us with labels attached telling us what they mean. We can spend years searching in vain. We ask friends, but they havent gone through what we have. We ask someone who has gone through something similar, but that person is probably struggling to find meaning, too. At some point we might be tempted to give up the search. Thats what happened to me. It took one of my patients to wake me up and give me the hope that we can discover the meaning of the events in our lives. Everything important Ive learned about how to do my job Ive learned from my patients. Scott* was one of my best "teachers." The Message in the Bottle We all have dreams of what wed like to do with our lives. When Scott first came to see me many years ago he was dreaming about going back to school and becoming a landscape designer. But he was afraid to give up his well-paying job. As you can imagine, addressing underlying issues of anxiety, low self-esteem, and identity played an important role in our work together. Soon, though, our work was all about helping him get what he needed to make his dream come true. He ultimately completed a two-year program at an excellent school and eventually opened his own little landscape-design business. He felt fulfilled. Several years later Scott came back to work with me. Sadly, he had non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and he thought he was dying. (Scotts cancer eventually went into remission. Hes still okay.) He said he wanted to discover why this terrible disease had happened to him just when his life was starting to work out. "Isnt this really a theological question?" I asked Scott. Truthfully, I didnt want to deal with a question like this. My attitude at that time was that you could never find an answer. And anyway, the most important thing is to make the best use of the time you have remaining. Why ask why? But Scott, bless him, held onto his need. He was about to teach me an important lesson about how helping people is ultimately about helping them find meaning. After Id dismissed his question Scott looked at me with tears in his eyes as if Id betrayed him and said, "You dont understand. I dont want to die feeling like I was just some squirrel that got run over on the highway of life--hey, man, bad luck. I know that Im not just a victim of a game of chance. I cant believe that I live in a universe where the things that happen to us dont have any meaning. There is some meaning in this, a message in a bottle for me. The message feels just out of reach, but its very important to me. Help me get that message." Somehow that got through to me. I remembered how much I, too, had wanted to get that message back when I was a kid. (In a few moments Ill tell you about all the things that had happened to me and my family that left me hungry to find some kind of meaning and how discouraged I got when I didnt think I could find any.) Looking in Scotts eyes, I lost my sense of being pissed off at the universe because the things that happen to us dont come neatly labeled with their true meanings. Scotts need reawakened my own and all the hopes that came with it. Id thought my need for meaning was dead. Id acted as if it were dead. But the utter genuineness and validity of Scotts need made me realize that my own need for meaning had never died. Suddenly I felt a whole new connection to Scott, to my younger self, and to a world of people who were hungry to feel that what happens to them has meaning. There was just one problem: How in the world could I help Scott discover why hed gotten sick and might die if I couldnt help myself? I found myself terribly moved as I told him that I saw how this situation should have meaning and then confessed that I didnt know how to help him find that meaning. I felt Id failed him. And I Details ISBN1400083214 Author Mira Kirshenbaum Short Title EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASO Pages 234 Publisher Three Rivers Press (CA) Language English ISBN-10 1400083214 ISBN-13 9781400083213 Media Book Format Paperback DEWEY 158 Year 2005 Publication Date 2005-04-30 Imprint Fodors Travel Publications Inc.,U.S. Subtitle Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives Country of Publication United States Residence Boston, MA, US Affiliation Howard Morhaim Place of Publication New York DOI 10.1604/9781400083213 Audience General/Trade We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love! TheNile_Item_ID:160098776;

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